MMeditation December 13, 2016

I feel sad for my children that I have brought them into this world. I feel sad for the innocent core of all children in this not-so-perfect world. I feel sad for all adults whose innocent inner child can no longer be seen on the outside.

I am not a perfect parent. And even when I was, I wouldn’t be able to keep the world away from them. Being gifted with children can be one of our lives most heartbreaking and heartopening experiences. Never are we more motivated to better than when loved unconditionally by another’s inner child. It is in their presence that we are able to come into contact with our own inner child again, and become aware of what we have lost since then.

I am grateful that in my training to become a psychotherapist I learned about “the good enough parent.” In their need for survival it is part of the child’s normal development to be narcissistic. How could he otherwise stay alive? Necessary for a healthy personality the child has to be frustrated, and to learn to tolerate frustration. We all know adults who think they are entitled, and what their effect on their surroundings can be.

I don’t have the power to make the world a better place. The best I can do, is to love them the way they are, so that they can develop into open-hearted and open-minded people, that when life strikes, they are able to react with love and strength. Their best protection is their own core. Then they will be ready to use adversity for experience, to learn, to grow, and then, to help.

Comfort, I teach them, in the midst of catastrophe, is found in the focus on the ones that help. I hope I am a helper. I hope they will become helpers too.

MMeditation December 6, 2016

I am tired. Fatigue is prevalent in modern society, where we find it difficult to live balanced lives: it is easier to feed our body too much unhealthy food, to live out of sync with nature’s rhythm’s, to have too much stress.

 

My sister recently gave birth to a baby boy. And, after having 3 children myself, again I was amazed at how perfectly happy he is able to be, unaware of what is going on outside his little life. Every eye contact, every new experience, makes him glow. I forgot about fatigue because of an absence of joy.

 

Joy is our nature. Unfortunately, growing up we gain all these thoughts, and concepts, and schema’s about what is, getting us out of sync with what actually is.

 

So I started tot hink about what gave me joy, as a child, and later in life. And that were actually the moments that I could either indulge myself in a nex experience, or the moments when my body, mind, and heart were aligned with those of another. The moments when one plus one equals one. The moments I was closest to Source, I entered the flow.

 

When we cannot regain joy after loss, it is our unconscious and automatic negative thoughts about the loss that keep us imprisoned. The body naturally will recuperate, unless the thoughts keep feeding it negativity.

 

As a psychiatrist it is rewarding work when we can make the unconscious negative thoughts conscious, and together examine their truth with an open mind, a child’s beginner’s mind. It is ego’s arrogance to think that one has no unconscious negative thoughts or that this work can be done alone.

 

Happiness is not a perfect life. Happiness is being together in our imperfect lives.

 

You have free will. Do you choose a fixed mindset, sabotaging your joy, or a growth mindet, coming closer and closer to home again.

MMeditation December 5, 2016

Leaders with empathy see themselves from the outside and others from the inside. In leadership positions narcissism is prevalent. Narcissistic people are unaware of their elevated self, to compensate their weak self. This elevated self needs above average space in the space we all share. They mix well with people who ask for little space. To sustain the elevated self daily admiration is needed. When they cross boundaries, and the other speaks up, the elevated self feels threatened. The needs of others are viewed as selfish. The other will be attacked, and cut off to prevent the ego from desintegrating. That reinforces the need and the right of the elevated self, a vicious circle.

 

The mind is a good servant, but a terrible master. The mind cannot be turned off. When the mind is not focused or neglected, it becomes filled with negativity. When love is absent, the mind fluctuates between admiration and devaluation, of self and the other. When the mind admires the self, he devaluates the other. When the mind devaluates the self, he admires the other.

 

How we connect, is based on how we were attached as a child. In moments of crisis insecure attachment leads to either isolation or to the impossibility to temporarily separate. We unconsciously choose partners who match our attachment style. When we become aware, we can learn to choose partners based on love. There is widespread misunderstanding surrounding attachment. It is vital to be attached to our secure bases. Non-attachment is not about not attaching, but about attaching to who our partner is, not to whom we want our partner to be. If the other comes, let him come. If the other goes, let him go.

 

Because we live, definite separation from our secure bases is inevitable. We connect, we attach, we share intimacy, we say goodbye, we mourn, we give meaning, the transition cycle, to connect again. Without saying goodbye, we cannot mourn, and we will not be able to truly, widely, deeply connect again. When asked what we need for a happy live, I would say the ability to say goodbye and mourn.